Hi Dora! First of all, great Intro post! I like how much detail you provided into the family history! I really feel like I know this family now. The description of the grandparents really paints a picture of them for me. The gossiping grandma sounds a lot like my grandma so I can really relate to this post. I have not grown up in a small town so it is hard to understand how a town with such a small population interacts with each other. I would love to hear all the stories that the abuela has told. I hope that the rest of the stories on this page are as interesting!
Great job on your introduction! I also want to say that I really like your introduction! It turns out three years of Spanish paid out after all! In regards to your story: I loved it! For a second, I thought that you were actually Rafael! That is a testament to say how great your details are and how in-depth you got into Rafael's backstory. Just in this introduction, you were able to flesh out a believable character who seems to be interesting and introduce a secondary protagonist that I look forward to reading about. I am sure that many of us readers can relate to having a gossip-prone family member! At this point, I honestly have no complaints on your writing style so far. I enjoyed that your writing style was very casual, as if a teenagers was simply writing the story within their journal. It is really refreshing to read in this style as opposed to the extremely scholastic readings that we college students are bombarded with on a regular basis!
Wow Dora, this was really good! I loved how you made the story from Rafael's viewpoint, and you added in so much detail that I almost forgot I was reading YOUR story! There is so much detail you put into the description of Rafael's family, I could really tell you put a lot of thought and effort into your story! I am really excited to see what stories Rafael's abuela has to tell in the future! I like how you also explained how loving his abuela is, the story about her joining him for a game of soccer because no one else would play with him was really sweet! One thing I am wondering is what are her stories going to be about? Are they just drama of stupid things people in the town have done? Are they supposed to be scary stories to frighten Rafael? I know you mentioned they all have a moral to the story, and I am really looking forward to coming back and reading your blog in the future!
Hi Dora! Your introduction was really fun to read, and I think your Storybook idea is so creative! I love the idea of a gossiping grandma as the storyteller. I enjoyed the background on the family, which makes the characters more real and gives me a great mental picture of a huge family with all sorts of connections to one another. The last paragraph, where you describe the abuela's kind nature and give an example, is a nice touch. I think it might be even more effective if you put that paragraph toward the beginning, maybe after the first paragraph. That way, the paragraph about the abuela's stories could lead directly into the first story. Also, I don't know what "Las Chismosas" means and maybe it wouldn't make sense to explain it in the introduction, but if it would make sense then I think it would be really cool for readers to learn about the title in the introduction. You've done a really great job setting your storybook up and making me want to continue reading it!
Hi Dora, I must admit that I had a big smile while reading through your storybook project. I could see some of my own family (I’m Hispanic) in the characters that you used and relate to them quite a bit. If there is one thing that never changes whenever I go back home, is my mom and her chismes. She is literally on the phone for a few hours a day talking to her sisters or close friends about the daily gossips so I really enjoyed being able to relate to some of your stories. While reading La Chismosa (great title name by the way) I quickly guessed it was going to be about la Llorona once the affair was mentioned. I’m glad you changed up the story by not having any of the kids get hurt or killed. Maybe you could benefit the story by adding some type of suspense, although it seems like your story is based on true events. Great story I look forward to coming back to read some more.
Hi Dora! Wow, I don't know where to begin! First off, I really wanted to point out how much I loved your introduction. The amount of background information you provide was spot on, and really made me look forward to reading the first story. The background information really was helpful because this just makes the rest of your storybook easier to understand, and read. This made me think about my own family, and how the elders always have stories to tell. The way you separate the introduction with images also really contributed to your introduction being very well written. I also was able to read the first story, which I really enjoyed. I like how you took the story and modernized it, and kept and added elements you felt would best fit your storybook. Overall, you did a really good job. The author's note was helpful in just letting readers know the thought process behind your story, which I appreciated. Looking forward to your next story! Great job!
Hi Dora! First, I want to say that stories about Mexican grandmothers are not fair when I'm sitting at work and starving. I stared off into space for about ten minutes fantasizing about chorizo and eggs. Your introduction post was wonderful. You did a really good job of giving details about the family that gave it all personality and depth. It was easy to feel a sense of kinship with them. The pictures did a great job of illustrating that and making them feel like people that I already know. I liked your first story a lot. Using gossip as the medium to tell your various stories is really creative. I think that your choice to make the ghost story more realistic was good and I'm really glad that you didn't kill the kids! Your author's note was really helpful. I actually didn't recognize your source story until I read that, then it made absolute sense. I like that, in a sense, your are creating the background of a sort of oral tradition for your stories. That's where the best stories first came from. Really good job!
Hi Dora! First of all I really love your introduction — you give such beautiful detail and paint such a wonderful picture of the abuela. I also love that you've included personal photos — it makes the main character seem that more real. And in your first story, the conversation you've written flows really naturally and makes me feel like I'm in the kitchen hearing the story. You blended your theme and the adapted story together really well — I didn't even realize you were working with a source story like this until I got to the author's note (also, the chorizo and eggs bit made me hungry). One thing that I noticed in the introduction was that some of the sentences run on a bit sometimes, so a few little tweaks to punctuation might help it read a little smoother. I also thought the intro ended a bit abruptly — it might be helpful to add a bit at the end that mentions that Rafael will be retelling some of his abuela's chisme. But overall, I love the entire concept and execution of your story and I'm really looking forward to reading more of it. Keep up the great work!
Hi Dora! Wow, I love the narrator and perspective you've chosen for your storybook — I actually had to go back and double-check that you weren't Rafael, because the way you told your story made it seem like these were real stories about your family members, and, like Emma commented, I didn't realize you were using source material for these stories until I saw the author's note. In your first story, I wonder if it's worth having the abuela use the word "llorona" in the story, to help connect the title to the rest of the story for people that might not understand Spanish and might not know what it means. I really liked that you ended your first story with that kind of moral advice — it reminded me of how Aesop's fables end with morals, but this felt much more natural to have that moral come from the abuela. Awesome work!
Hey Dora, I like that the photo on the home page of your project is a personal picture! The same thing applies to your introduction page. It certainly adds a touch of authenticity to your site. I like the manner of storytelling that you used in your first story, La Llorona. The way in which you told the story from the perspective of the little girl made everything so real and personal. I do think the interaction between gossiping and incorporating a moral of the story is interesting, if only because they seem contradictory to me. On one hand, gossiping is probably understood as something frowned upon in society. On the other, seeing the moral of a story is generally understood as wise. I think it’s funny that in this story, one is used to obtain the other! This story may be difficult for the audience to relate to. Maybe if the characters involved in the gossip were more closely related to the daughter, mom, and grandma, then the events of the story as well as the outcome would be a little more significant. Their distance, with being a friend of the mom’s from school a long time ago, makes the characters more difficult to empathize with. This could be something that you consider in future editions!
The way you wrote the introduction to your storybook was so creative. Out of all of the storybooks and portfolios, I have read yours is the most well thought out. Your introduction was so in-depth and well thought out. The way you present the introduction sounds as if it is coming from Rafael’s mouth. The first story “La Llorona” was so creative. I liked how you told the story as if it were a piece of gossip that was casually being exchanged over breakfast. As I read your story it reminded me of growing up and listening in on my family’s conversations and gossip. The way you choose to present the story made it so that I never expected the ending. It made the story more haunting. You did such a wonderful job putting this together. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. Great job!
Hello Dora! I love the concept for your storybook! Having a main character who is telling personal stories is genius. Your main character is easy to relate to. I like how you are adding the element of the gossiping grandmother. The first story is very well written. You almost feel like you are there at breakfast with them. I like how you took elements from the original story without making it scary. The story of the family breaking apart is very sad, but you manage to lighten the mood with the main characters comments and the mother's looks of disapproval. Will all of your stories be laid out in this fashion? I would recommend trying different writing styles to shake things up a bit. Maybe have the grandmother write a letter to someone with some gossip or something. Great job overall, I look forward to reading the rest of your story.
It seems like you are off to a great start to your story book. It was really interesting to read and I love your webpage design. It is very neat and clean which makes it very easy to navigate. Great job in making it look very professional. I really enjoyed reading the concept of your story. Making the main character tell a bunch of stories is really fun and entertaining to read. It helps the audience really learn about how you want this character to be perceived. You have a bunch of good stories of a wide variety. I like how you haven't really repeated the same story twice, it keeps the reading fresh for the reader, especially as the semester moves forward. Overall, great start on your project, and I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.
Hi Dora! Your intro was wonderful! This project is clearly something that means a lot to you and I'm going to guess is somewhat based on your family based on all the personal photos you used. I think that's a nice touch because they seem like Rafael's photos. I like the nonchalant telling of these stories and how they are just conversations. I think the changes you made to the first story were great and really modernized it. I think the woman not being able to care for her children after the betrayal is almost sadder than her killing them. I also thought the changes to the second story were good also. I did feel that the part about the three deaths was a little random but the more I think about it the more it fits. You like to add in little details that really have nothing to do with the story but things like that happen in real life and its another nice touch. Great Job!
Hi Dora! Your Intro was amazing. I love how you chose to write about something that is so personal to you and is important. What I think are your family photo's look like they could be Rafael's photos which add a sense of realism to the stories. They aren't drawings or artist depictions, they're real pictures. The full dialogue method is a very nice way to tell these stories. The way you told the first story as if it was happening today also helped the reader relate and understand the story. Can you explain the random deaths in the second story? I was confused by why it happened.
Hi Dora, I really enjoyed reading your storybook! You have made Rafael a very lifelike narrator. His family members and his relationships with them all seem very realistic. I liked how you included a lesson with the story of La Llorona but made it your own lesson. It's quite good advice too. It took me a while to figure out the connection between the second story and the original, but the praying in the church made sense. My main question is how could he accidently have the poison in his drink? Was he planning to kill himself? As far as editing, in the introduction you have a sentence that goes "My grandparents, Jesus and Casimira Alvarez, but everyone in town just calls her Cachi," which doesn't quite make sense as only the grandmother would be called Cachi. Otherwise your storybook looks really good and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Dora! I am so glad I am getting the chance to return to your page and see the changes you have made. I read the second story, and I really enjoyed it. I am unfamiliar with this tale, but the way you were able to retell it and then provide a detailed author's note was so good. I really admire that you have used a personal photo to make this story stronger, and more realistic. I think coming up with dialogue is one of the hardest things to do, and your story with all this dialogue was really put together. All of it made sense, and I was able to follow along. You were also able to modernize, what seems to be, an old tale. Nice job! Hopefully I will be able to return and see your final story.
Hi Dora! I loved getting to revisit your storybook — it's still one of the most delightful I've read. It feels nostalgic and modernized at the same time, and really draws the readers in. One thing I might recommend in your intro is to break the text into smaller paragraphs — it's in pretty large chunks right now and might flow better if the sections were smaller. There were also just a few little points that could have used a bit more punctuation. I loved the last story, which was new since I read last — it's the perfect vehicle for what might otherwise be a very morbid tale. I did think that while adding Don Juan's death into the story might have made it darker, it might have been truer to the original and to the overall tone of the story to include that bit. But I love how you blend folk tales with your own family experiences and memories, and I'm looking forward to finishing reading your storybook in a few weeks!
I love that you used a personal photo for your banner image on your project. It is so cool to see something original that is meaningful to not on you, but also your project! It is also refreshing to see something different than the same old banner photo that many projects share. Your introduction was incredibly helpful for me to get to know what your project was going to be about. I love the first-person narratives in these projects, so I was excited to start reading your stories after reading the introduction. I think my favorite story was ‘Petra Solano’. This was so well-written and showed off your writing style quite well. I loved all of the dialogue that occurred in this story. Dialogue can give so much insight on a character, from their thoughts to examining the specific way they express themselves. Your author’s note was quite helpful for me to understand the original story and your retelling. The rest of your stories were great as well. Your project looks amazing!
Hi Dora! This was such an incredible storybook that I don't even know where to begin. I must say that the amount of time and detail you put into this family, Rafael's family, was tremendous. You really gave us a full in-depth insight into the thoughts and personality of this family. Especially the grandmother. The fact that you used the gossiping grandmother to tell us the stories in your own words was very clever. Instead of just cut and dry storytelling from the third person narrative you took a different route in a first person narrative. All three stories had morals or lesson and all three were on point with their descriptive nature. You gave the reader a sense of belonging in this family and the best part is that you used actual photos of your actual family. That gave us a face to the name and only made us closer to the family in the stories.
Dora, I love that you incorporated Spanish and some of the Mexican culture/traditions into your stories. My boyfriend is Mexican and I noticed a lot of similarities between your character’s family and his. His abuelita is quiet but his mom is definitely a chismosa with a love for lectures on life lessons. I noticed in your intro, you called the abuela an amazing “women”. “Woman” would have been more accurate. In some of the stories, you had la abuela speaking Spanish. I understood what she said, but other readers may not. It might be a good idea to put the English in parentheses or something. I really like that you incorporated social media into your story. It felt natural and unforced. I also loved that you used personal photos throughout your storybook. It was a very nice touch and I promise that extra bit of effort shows. There were a few minor typos/grammatical mistakes, but nothing major. If you could read through your stories out loud one more time, I think you would be able to catch them and make your project seem more professional. Very nice job! I really enjoyed this.
Hey Dora, I really liked your storybook. I think it's really awesome that you have such a personal connection to the topic that you decided to write about. The introduction did a great job of giving the reader some background information on what was to come as well as laid out some great photos that further emphasized the personal connection. In fact, the pictures were one of my favorite parts of this project because it felt so real and they went perfectly with all of your stories. I also loved the focus on your grandmother and how she loves to gossip because this is such a funny and relatable kind of character and its even more awesome that she is a real life inspiration. In general, your stories were really great and well written. I liked that you modernized them too. As a suggestion maybe some of the Spanish could be translated in your Author's Note because it could be a cool addition. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your storybook, great job!
Hi Dora! I really, really enjoyed reading your Storybook. I had read the Introduction before, and I love the personal pictures you added!
The first thing I noticed about the stories was the engaging dialogue. The grandmother certainly is a good storyteller, and the quips between mother and daughter really add to the story. I remember hearing the legend of La Llorona in middle school Spanish class around the time of Halloween, and I loved it. Your version is so creative, because you kept the tragic aspects but turned it from a horror story into an everyday kind of occurrence by taking away the violence and the supernatural aspects. This makes Petra such a sympathetic character, and it really changes how I view the original story.
The second story is so tragic, and you did an amazing job of conveying this tragedy and making us feel it while also describing the things people do and say to make such a situation more light-hearted. It felt like a real conversation, which is hard to do when the conversation is about death. You have great storytelling skills. Also, the bit at the end about the other two deaths was fascinating and I like that you worked that belief into the story.
Also, I really enjoyed hearing the grandmother's lessons at the end of each story! Some were serious, and some were funny like in the last story. Giving unsolicited (but wise) advice is such a grandmotherly thing to do, and it fits in well with each story. And finally, I really appreciated the little bits of Spanish thrown into the dialogue. It made the conversations feel even more real and reminded the reader of the setting and culture. I was honestly blown away by the quality of your Storybook. The concept is creative and personal, and the writing is lovely. Wonderful job!
Hi Dora! I've read your storybook a few times and wanted to come back to it for the final week of comments since I've enjoyed it so much. Your last story has just as much color and family personality injected as the rest of the project. I love how you've drawn on personal experience for all these stories — everything from the chisme to the slang in the dialogue is wonderful (also, thank you for linking to the Instagram of the tattoo artist who inspired you in the last story — I loved checking out his beautiful work and it really helped me visualize the story more). And the twist ending of your last story was really fun! One thing I might suggest is maybe using some kind of image or color in your header for each page. It looks really clean right now, but I think each page could use a pop of personality there, since your stories are really vivid. Congrats on a wonderful storybook and great work this semester!
You have done an excellent job this semester with your project. First of all, you chose a great layout of your website. Some student's are either very complicated to navigate through, or don't have the best look to them. And thankfully yours has both! Now for the stories, I really enjoyed the Mexican theme you established all semester. It was a different twist than the other student's in the class, and when you're commenting on a lot of these, it is nice to have it changed up. You did a great job with including a lot of dialogue in your stories. This kept the reader engaged and also gives us a deeper look at the characters compared to just a narrative. You did a great job this semester and I really enjoyed getting a chance to look and comment on it.
Hi Dora! I remember really enjoying your storybook earlier in the semester, so I wanted to come back for my last project feedback assignment! When I first read it, I believe you only had the Introduction and Petra Solano on your site, so I got to read the two newest stories this time. In your story about Don Juan and Alberto Briones, I loved again that you use personal photos to illustrate your storybook. It adds such a wonderfully personal touch. It's definitely a tragic story, but I love that the abuela in the story uses it to teach the grandchildren a lesson. It just seems fitting and realistic. I also love the second story, where the abuela talks about tattoos like they're taboo. That totally matches with the way my own grandma talks about tattoos. You do a wonderful job of weaving dialogue through your stories and making them feel personal. I'm so glad I got to read your writing this semester — good luck on finals!
Hi Dora!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, great Intro post! I like how much detail you provided into the family history! I really feel like I know this family now. The description of the grandparents really paints a picture of them for me. The gossiping grandma sounds a lot like my grandma so I can really relate to this post. I have not grown up in a small town so it is hard to understand how a town with such a small population interacts with each other. I would love to hear all the stories that the abuela has told. I hope that the rest of the stories on this page are as interesting!
Hey Dora,
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your introduction! I also want to say that I really like your introduction! It turns out three years of Spanish paid out after all!
In regards to your story: I loved it! For a second, I thought that you were actually Rafael! That is a testament to say how great your details are and how in-depth you got into Rafael's backstory. Just in this introduction, you were able to flesh out a believable character who seems to be interesting and introduce a secondary protagonist that I look forward to reading about. I am sure that many of us readers can relate to having a gossip-prone family member!
At this point, I honestly have no complaints on your writing style so far. I enjoyed that your writing style was very casual, as if a teenagers was simply writing the story within their journal. It is really refreshing to read in this style as opposed to the extremely scholastic readings that we college students are bombarded with on a regular basis!
Keep up the good work!
Wow Dora, this was really good! I loved how you made the story from Rafael's viewpoint, and you added in so much detail that I almost forgot I was reading YOUR story! There is so much detail you put into the description of Rafael's family, I could really tell you put a lot of thought and effort into your story! I am really excited to see what stories Rafael's abuela has to tell in the future! I like how you also explained how loving his abuela is, the story about her joining him for a game of soccer because no one else would play with him was really sweet! One thing I am wondering is what are her stories going to be about? Are they just drama of stupid things people in the town have done? Are they supposed to be scary stories to frighten Rafael? I know you mentioned they all have a moral to the story, and I am really looking forward to coming back and reading your blog in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Dora!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was really fun to read, and I think your Storybook idea is so creative! I love the idea of a gossiping grandma as the storyteller. I enjoyed the background on the family, which makes the characters more real and gives me a great mental picture of a huge family with all sorts of connections to one another. The last paragraph, where you describe the abuela's kind nature and give an example, is a nice touch. I think it might be even more effective if you put that paragraph toward the beginning, maybe after the first paragraph. That way, the paragraph about the abuela's stories could lead directly into the first story. Also, I don't know what "Las Chismosas" means and maybe it wouldn't make sense to explain it in the introduction, but if it would make sense then I think it would be really cool for readers to learn about the title in the introduction. You've done a really great job setting your storybook up and making me want to continue reading it!
Hi Dora,
ReplyDeleteI must admit that I had a big smile while reading through your storybook project. I could see some of my own family (I’m Hispanic) in the characters that you used and relate to them quite a bit. If there is one thing that never changes whenever I go back home, is my mom and her chismes. She is literally on the phone for a few hours a day talking to her sisters or close friends about the daily gossips so I really enjoyed being able to relate to some of your stories. While reading La Chismosa (great title name by the way) I quickly guessed it was going to be about la Llorona once the affair was mentioned. I’m glad you changed up the story by not having any of the kids get hurt or killed. Maybe you could benefit the story by adding some type of suspense, although it seems like your story is based on true events. Great story I look forward to coming back to read some more.
Hi Dora!
ReplyDeleteWow, I don't know where to begin! First off, I really wanted to point out how much I loved your introduction. The amount of background information you provide was spot on, and really made me look forward to reading the first story. The background information really was helpful because this just makes the rest of your storybook easier to understand, and read. This made me think about my own family, and how the elders always have stories to tell. The way you separate the introduction with images also really contributed to your introduction being very well written. I also was able to read the first story, which I really enjoyed. I like how you took the story and modernized it, and kept and added elements you felt would best fit your storybook. Overall, you did a really good job. The author's note was helpful in just letting readers know the thought process behind your story, which I appreciated. Looking forward to your next story! Great job!
Hi Dora!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to say that stories about Mexican grandmothers are not fair when I'm sitting at work and starving. I stared off into space for about ten minutes fantasizing about chorizo and eggs. Your introduction post was wonderful. You did a really good job of giving details about the family that gave it all personality and depth. It was easy to feel a sense of kinship with them. The pictures did a great job of illustrating that and making them feel like people that I already know. I liked your first story a lot. Using gossip as the medium to tell your various stories is really creative. I think that your choice to make the ghost story more realistic was good and I'm really glad that you didn't kill the kids! Your author's note was really helpful. I actually didn't recognize your source story until I read that, then it made absolute sense. I like that, in a sense, your are creating the background of a sort of oral tradition for your stories. That's where the best stories first came from. Really good job!
Hi Dora! First of all I really love your introduction — you give such beautiful detail and paint such a wonderful picture of the abuela. I also love that you've included personal photos — it makes the main character seem that more real. And in your first story, the conversation you've written flows really naturally and makes me feel like I'm in the kitchen hearing the story. You blended your theme and the adapted story together really well — I didn't even realize you were working with a source story like this until I got to the author's note (also, the chorizo and eggs bit made me hungry). One thing that I noticed in the introduction was that some of the sentences run on a bit sometimes, so a few little tweaks to punctuation might help it read a little smoother. I also thought the intro ended a bit abruptly — it might be helpful to add a bit at the end that mentions that Rafael will be retelling some of his abuela's chisme. But overall, I love the entire concept and execution of your story and I'm really looking forward to reading more of it. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Dora! Wow, I love the narrator and perspective you've chosen for your storybook — I actually had to go back and double-check that you weren't Rafael, because the way you told your story made it seem like these were real stories about your family members, and, like Emma commented, I didn't realize you were using source material for these stories until I saw the author's note. In your first story, I wonder if it's worth having the abuela use the word "llorona" in the story, to help connect the title to the rest of the story for people that might not understand Spanish and might not know what it means. I really liked that you ended your first story with that kind of moral advice — it reminded me of how Aesop's fables end with morals, but this felt much more natural to have that moral come from the abuela. Awesome work!
ReplyDeleteHey Dora,
ReplyDeleteI like that the photo on the home page of your project is a personal picture! The same thing applies to your introduction page. It certainly adds a touch of authenticity to your site.
I like the manner of storytelling that you used in your first story, La Llorona. The way in which you told the story from the perspective of the little girl made everything so real and personal.
I do think the interaction between gossiping and incorporating a moral of the story is interesting, if only because they seem contradictory to me. On one hand, gossiping is probably understood as something frowned upon in society. On the other, seeing the moral of a story is generally understood as wise. I think it’s funny that in this story, one is used to obtain the other!
This story may be difficult for the audience to relate to. Maybe if the characters involved in the gossip were more closely related to the daughter, mom, and grandma, then the events of the story as well as the outcome would be a little more significant. Their distance, with being a friend of the mom’s from school a long time ago, makes the characters more difficult to empathize with. This could be something that you consider in future editions!
Hi Dora!
ReplyDeleteThe way you wrote the introduction to your storybook was so creative. Out of all of the storybooks and portfolios, I have read yours is the most well thought out. Your introduction was so in-depth and well thought out. The way you present the introduction sounds as if it is coming from Rafael’s mouth. The first story “La Llorona” was so creative. I liked how you told the story as if it were a piece of gossip that was casually being exchanged over breakfast. As I read your story it reminded me of growing up and listening in on my family’s conversations and gossip. The way you choose to present the story made it so that I never expected the ending. It made the story more haunting. You did such a wonderful job putting this together. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. Great job!
Hello Dora! I love the concept for your storybook! Having a main character who is telling personal stories is genius. Your main character is easy to relate to. I like how you are adding the element of the gossiping grandmother. The first story is very well written. You almost feel like you are there at breakfast with them. I like how you took elements from the original story without making it scary. The story of the family breaking apart is very sad, but you manage to lighten the mood with the main characters comments and the mother's looks of disapproval. Will all of your stories be laid out in this fashion? I would recommend trying different writing styles to shake things up a bit. Maybe have the grandmother write a letter to someone with some gossip or something. Great job overall, I look forward to reading the rest of your story.
ReplyDeleteHi Dora,
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you are off to a great start to your story book. It was really interesting to read and I love your webpage design. It is very neat and clean which makes it very easy to navigate. Great job in making it look very professional. I really enjoyed reading the concept of your story. Making the main character tell a bunch of stories is really fun and entertaining to read. It helps the audience really learn about how you want this character to be perceived. You have a bunch of good stories of a wide variety. I like how you haven't really repeated the same story twice, it keeps the reading fresh for the reader, especially as the semester moves forward. Overall, great start on your project, and I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.
Brooks
Hi Dora! Your intro was wonderful! This project is clearly something that means a lot to you and I'm going to guess is somewhat based on your family based on all the personal photos you used. I think that's a nice touch because they seem like Rafael's photos. I like the nonchalant telling of these stories and how they are just conversations. I think the changes you made to the first story were great and really modernized it. I think the woman not being able to care for her children after the betrayal is almost sadder than her killing them. I also thought the changes to the second story were good also. I did feel that the part about the three deaths was a little random but the more I think about it the more it fits. You like to add in little details that really have nothing to do with the story but things like that happen in real life and its another nice touch. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteHi Dora! Your Intro was amazing. I love how you chose to write about something that is so personal to you and is important. What I think are your family photo's look like they could be Rafael's photos which add a sense of realism to the stories. They aren't drawings or artist depictions, they're real pictures. The full dialogue method is a very nice way to tell these stories. The way you told the first story as if it was happening today also helped the reader relate and understand the story. Can you explain the random deaths in the second story? I was confused by why it happened.
ReplyDeleteHi Dora,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your storybook! You have made Rafael a very lifelike narrator. His family members and his relationships with them all seem very realistic. I liked how you included a lesson with the story of La Llorona but made it your own lesson. It's quite good advice too. It took me a while to figure out the connection between the second story and the original, but the praying in the church made sense. My main question is how could he accidently have the poison in his drink? Was he planning to kill himself?
As far as editing, in the introduction you have a sentence that goes "My grandparents, Jesus and Casimira Alvarez, but everyone in town just calls her Cachi," which doesn't quite make sense as only the grandmother would be called Cachi.
Otherwise your storybook looks really good and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Dora!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I am getting the chance to return to your page and see the changes you have made. I read the second story, and I really enjoyed it. I am unfamiliar with this tale, but the way you were able to retell it and then provide a detailed author's note was so good. I really admire that you have used a personal photo to make this story stronger, and more realistic. I think coming up with dialogue is one of the hardest things to do, and your story with all this dialogue was really put together. All of it made sense, and I was able to follow along. You were also able to modernize, what seems to be, an old tale. Nice job! Hopefully I will be able to return and see your final story.
Hi Dora! I loved getting to revisit your storybook — it's still one of the most delightful I've read. It feels nostalgic and modernized at the same time, and really draws the readers in. One thing I might recommend in your intro is to break the text into smaller paragraphs — it's in pretty large chunks right now and might flow better if the sections were smaller. There were also just a few little points that could have used a bit more punctuation. I loved the last story, which was new since I read last — it's the perfect vehicle for what might otherwise be a very morbid tale. I did think that while adding Don Juan's death into the story might have made it darker, it might have been truer to the original and to the overall tone of the story to include that bit. But I love how you blend folk tales with your own family experiences and memories, and I'm looking forward to finishing reading your storybook in a few weeks!
ReplyDeleteDora,
ReplyDeleteI love that you used a personal photo for your banner image on your project. It is so cool to see something original that is meaningful to not on you, but also your project! It is also refreshing to see something different than the same old banner photo that many projects share. Your introduction was incredibly helpful for me to get to know what your project was going to be about. I love the first-person narratives in these projects, so I was excited to start reading your stories after reading the introduction. I think my favorite story was ‘Petra Solano’. This was so well-written and showed off your writing style quite well. I loved all of the dialogue that occurred in this story. Dialogue can give so much insight on a character, from their thoughts to examining the specific way they express themselves. Your author’s note was quite helpful for me to understand the original story and your retelling. The rest of your stories were great as well. Your project looks amazing!
Hi Dora!
ReplyDeleteThis was such an incredible storybook that I don't even know where to begin. I must say that the amount of time and detail you put into this family, Rafael's family, was tremendous. You really gave us a full in-depth insight into the thoughts and personality of this family. Especially the grandmother. The fact that you used the gossiping grandmother to tell us the stories in your own words was very clever. Instead of just cut and dry storytelling from the third person narrative you took a different route in a first person narrative. All three stories had morals or lesson and all three were on point with their descriptive nature. You gave the reader a sense of belonging in this family and the best part is that you used actual photos of your actual family. That gave us a face to the name and only made us closer to the family in the stories.
Dora, I love that you incorporated Spanish and some of the Mexican culture/traditions into your stories. My boyfriend is Mexican and I noticed a lot of similarities between your character’s family and his. His abuelita is quiet but his mom is definitely a chismosa with a love for lectures on life lessons. I noticed in your intro, you called the abuela an amazing “women”. “Woman” would have been more accurate. In some of the stories, you had la abuela speaking Spanish. I understood what she said, but other readers may not. It might be a good idea to put the English in parentheses or something. I really like that you incorporated social media into your story. It felt natural and unforced. I also loved that you used personal photos throughout your storybook. It was a very nice touch and I promise that extra bit of effort shows. There were a few minor typos/grammatical mistakes, but nothing major. If you could read through your stories out loud one more time, I think you would be able to catch them and make your project seem more professional. Very nice job! I really enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteHey Dora, I really liked your storybook. I think it's really awesome that you have such a personal connection to the topic that you decided to write about. The introduction did a great job of giving the reader some background information on what was to come as well as laid out some great photos that further emphasized the personal connection. In fact, the pictures were one of my favorite parts of this project because it felt so real and they went perfectly with all of your stories. I also loved the focus on your grandmother and how she loves to gossip because this is such a funny and relatable kind of character and its even more awesome that she is a real life inspiration. In general, your stories were really great and well written. I liked that you modernized them too. As a suggestion maybe some of the Spanish could be translated in your Author's Note because it could be a cool addition. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your storybook, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Dora! I really, really enjoyed reading your Storybook. I had read the Introduction before, and I love the personal pictures you added!
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed about the stories was the engaging dialogue. The grandmother certainly is a good storyteller, and the quips between mother and daughter really add to the story. I remember hearing the legend of La Llorona in middle school Spanish class around the time of Halloween, and I loved it. Your version is so creative, because you kept the tragic aspects but turned it from a horror story into an everyday kind of occurrence by taking away the violence and the supernatural aspects. This makes Petra such a sympathetic character, and it really changes how I view the original story.
The second story is so tragic, and you did an amazing job of conveying this tragedy and making us feel it while also describing the things people do and say to make such a situation more light-hearted. It felt like a real conversation, which is hard to do when the conversation is about death. You have great storytelling skills. Also, the bit at the end about the other two deaths was fascinating and I like that you worked that belief into the story.
Also, I really enjoyed hearing the grandmother's lessons at the end of each story! Some were serious, and some were funny like in the last story. Giving unsolicited (but wise) advice is such a grandmotherly thing to do, and it fits in well with each story. And finally, I really appreciated the little bits of Spanish thrown into the dialogue. It made the conversations feel even more real and reminded the reader of the setting and culture. I was honestly blown away by the quality of your Storybook. The concept is creative and personal, and the writing is lovely. Wonderful job!
Hi Dora! I've read your storybook a few times and wanted to come back to it for the final week of comments since I've enjoyed it so much. Your last story has just as much color and family personality injected as the rest of the project. I love how you've drawn on personal experience for all these stories — everything from the chisme to the slang in the dialogue is wonderful (also, thank you for linking to the Instagram of the tattoo artist who inspired you in the last story — I loved checking out his beautiful work and it really helped me visualize the story more). And the twist ending of your last story was really fun! One thing I might suggest is maybe using some kind of image or color in your header for each page. It looks really clean right now, but I think each page could use a pop of personality there, since your stories are really vivid. Congrats on a wonderful storybook and great work this semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Dora,
ReplyDeleteYou have done an excellent job this semester with your project. First of all, you chose a great layout of your website. Some student's are either very complicated to navigate through, or don't have the best look to them. And thankfully yours has both! Now for the stories, I really enjoyed the Mexican theme you established all semester. It was a different twist than the other student's in the class, and when you're commenting on a lot of these, it is nice to have it changed up. You did a great job with including a lot of dialogue in your stories. This kept the reader engaged and also gives us a deeper look at the characters compared to just a narrative. You did a great job this semester and I really enjoyed getting a chance to look and comment on it.
Brooks
Hi Dora! I remember really enjoying your storybook earlier in the semester, so I wanted to come back for my last project feedback assignment! When I first read it, I believe you only had the Introduction and Petra Solano on your site, so I got to read the two newest stories this time. In your story about Don Juan and Alberto Briones, I loved again that you use personal photos to illustrate your storybook. It adds such a wonderfully personal touch. It's definitely a tragic story, but I love that the abuela in the story uses it to teach the grandchildren a lesson. It just seems fitting and realistic. I also love the second story, where the abuela talks about tattoos like they're taboo. That totally matches with the way my own grandma talks about tattoos. You do a wonderful job of weaving dialogue through your stories and making them feel personal. I'm so glad I got to read your writing this semester — good luck on finals!
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